THINKING ABOUT GRANDMA

My 'Florida Grandma'

I realize now there was a lot I didn't know about her. Actually, it was at her bedside in the hospital where I learned a great deal about my mom's mom. It was there she told me she loved me while looking into my eyes...to make sure I understood just how much she cared. It was there she whispered words for only my ears that made my heart swell. It was there that it became clear to me that this woman, who seemed so strong as she chased off anyone who dared to sit in her recliner because she didn't want them making it hot before she sat back down, had such a soft heart that she had a tendency to hide and that she really didn't understand her value.

Let me tell you some things I knew before the hospital...

My Grandma loved cooking and collecting recipes. Shrimp Jambalaya was my favorite and she always seemed to make it while we were visiting. I like to pretend it was especially made for me! Another favorite was English muffins with Canadian bacon and melted cheese for breakfast while playing scrabble dice. I always sat next to her at the table when we ate. I enjoyed watching her form words...and wishing I could be as clever. It was funny to me when she would have a bad roll and was audibly annoyed by it. (And, I wonder where I get some of my traits ~ ha!)

grandma's scrabble dice

She loved jewelry and I LOVED when she would ask if I wanted to look through it with her. Sometimes, I even got to play by myself and I became the 'Queen of Omie Circle' in those moments. Ohhhh....and her unicorns, fairies, dolls, crystals, shiny things....really anything pretty or full of fantasy...always ended up in her house. It was a little girls dream to read all the books filled with stories of fairies and unicorns and then to have all of her collections there to make it seem so real. The ceiling was even sprayed with glitter and it sparkled from the crystal chandelier hanging above this magical world she created.

some of the treasures grandma gave me

I can remember Grandma wearing pants on occasion when I was younger but with very fancy shirts and jewelry, of course. But, at some point, she switched to always wearing dresses. Probably easier to get dressed...but in my mind, wearing a dress seemed 'fancy'. But,  as much of a 'lady' as my Grandma was, she was equally as tough. She made comments all the time to me that I 'walk like an elephant'. On more than one occasion you could find me walking around a room with a book on my head under my grandma's tutelage 'helping me learn how I was supposed to walk'. My mom had to do this growing up too. So, apparently I get my elephant walk from her! Sorry, Mom! :) It makes me laugh now...and even at the time, I remember thinking it was kind of fun because there was a challenge in it. Have you even tried to walk with a book on your head??? It ain't as easy as you would think! She was also impatient, easily frustrated by certain things (again...seeing a lot of myself in her), thoughtful, generous and loving. And, her eyes were such a light, bright blue....amazing light blue. There is a picture of her that always causes me to stop and enjoy just how pretty she was and how blue her eyes were.

She liked being a grandma. Even though at the end, she didn't think she had been a very good one. How can a person see themselves so differently than others see them? Although she enjoyed her grand kids....I have to say, she lit up with her great-grand-babies. I was the only one that got to experience having my kids held by her and those are memories I will always treasure! It was amazing to have a couple years with 5 generations! My great-grandma, grandma, mom, me and my girls. These are some of the moments that branded the importance of family into who I am.

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Five Generations on the front porch of my great-grandma's house

that her dad built when she was a girl

Let me tell you what I learned at & after the hospital...

It became evident that Grandma's health was going down hill very quickly. My brother, Andrew and Mom were working REALLY HARD to convince the hospital to release her so she could be at home when she went Home. Quickly, our attention turned to Grandma's faith. Mom, Aunt Tammy and I were asking her questions; Do you believe in Jesus...have you ever asked Him into your life? Are you going to Heaven...because we want to see you there?!?! And, she answered with the most heart breaking statement: "He wouldn't want me". I will never forget how she closed her eyes and just looked so horribly sad and defeated as she said that. Mom went to church growing up...so I don't know if this was a life long belief OR just in the later part of her life  that she began believing that lie but, GOD IS SO GOOD!

HE was there. In that moment. He was working on her heart as we spoke of  HIS love for HER...in all the good, bad and ugly of her life! He just wants her to love Him...to choose Him. We explained that she could not fall beyond the reach of His love...none of us can! Isn't that amazing???

You can't lose it. You can't change it, win it or control it.

His love extends before and beyond time and He loves us before we even know Him!

God blessed me in this experience with my Grandmother. I was able to witness the Spirit working/softening/loving on her. I witnessed her making a decision to accept Jesus as her personal Savior...either for the first time OR inviting Him back into her life, I don't know??? But, what I do know is that it not only left a huge impact on my relationship with God but also in how I want to encourage Brooklyn, Alex & Riggs. I want them to truly believe and understand that for their whole life, no matter what happens

God loves YOU!

"And, I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through the Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have the power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ" Ephesians 3:17

"And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life." I John 5: 11-12

Thank you, Lord....for loving us and giving the gift of your Son.

And, thank you for speaking to my Grandma's heart so we can spend eternity with her!!!